My quad was a couple months old and I was still a newbie…but…I’m a man. As man, I know what I’m doing; I don’t need no stink’n manual. Heck, I come from a family of 4 boys…mind you, none of us are mechanically inclined, but we’re like ninjas with a Swifter, Febreze, and Coupons…
So there I was at George’s cabin with my brand new quad, which I was so proud of having and it did cost me a buddle of $.. I was in love.
Since I was familiar with the area I was capable of heading out on my own….after all, I don’t need no stink’n map. Ok, ok, I did have my GPS with me.
The whole GPS thing was created by a group of women because they were tired of guys getting lost. Also, women became tired of telling …errr…”advising” their man which way to turn and how to get there. (Ugh…. I better stop here because that’s a whole Blog in itself.)
At first I stood back to admire the beauty of my quad and then I jumped onto my brand new toy and headed out on the trails. This was an awesome machine and there was nothing like it. Mine was the bestest quad ever! No other quad came close to mine.
I was so distracted by it’s beauty I somehow ended up in the middle of a swamp….stuck. But it wasn’t going to be a problem, after all, my quad was the bestest quad in the whole world.
45min later, my tires are now completely under the swamp monster from hell!
I was mucky, sweaty and cursing. Every forest creature in the world was standing at a distance, pointing and laughing at me…purposely tormenting me. I’m pretty sure I saw one with a cell phone, “Hey Marvin, some dumbass is stuck in the swamp!” Oh, like I’m the only one this has ever happened to. “This is the only guy it’s happened to!”
Now I was mad. “This is the stupidest machine ever!” “Who bought this stupid thing!” “If I ever get this thing out, I’m selling it, I’m just going to give it away!” “I should just leave it in the swamp forever to teach it a lesson!”.
I stood up on the seat, looked up into the sky, shook my fist vigorously, “Good joke God!” “No where in the bible did you have a sense of humor” “Maybe you should go to church and see what it says about tormenting Jayson….on purpose!”
I was defeated, upset, lost all hope and energy. Stepping down and sitting on my quad I gave it one more try….It moved! “huh?!” I was moving! Right than and there I knew to keep all sarcastic comments to myself, I didn’t need God to have a sense of humor right now, I just wanted out of the swamp.
On dry land I mumbled, “God must be a woman, because she keeps messing with me” sigh….
Looking up at the sky, “p.s. I’m keeping the quad.”