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Dyingitis – If I don’t make it, tell my family and friends I love em’

Dyingitis – If I don’t make it, tell my family and friends I love em’

What is Dyingitis?

Women often refer to it, and down play my recent horrendous affliction as the “man cold”… but here’s the thing… in a scientific study that took 40 plus years of extensive research by the Ambrose Institute, its true nature is to try and turn your masculinity into the  “Whiny Baby Syndrome” (in some cases its works, but we haven’t seen that happen to Jayson, ever). 

I’m pretty sure I have Dyingitis – my nose is stuffed up, head hurts, coughing and throat is sore…Welcome to Winnipeg…If I don’t make it, tell all my family and friends I love them…..

The first symptom always starts off with,
“I thinking I’m dying”,
then, “I’m pretty sure I’m dying,”,
followed up with the hard cold facts,
“Yup, I’m definitely dying.” 

As I lay there on my death bed, some female friends offer words of encouragement, “Suck it up buttercup, you’re not dying, its just a man cold, ugh”..…You ever notice that they always end it with “ugh”, it’s like their’s no compassion or sympathy in their tone.

What does it feel like to have Dyingitis?  In layman terms, Dyingtis takes a full sized beefy masculine manly man (case study – Jayson Ambrose)… pushes you to the brink of death and just before you cross over, it reaches in, grabs you by the throat and pulls you back, so it can do it to you again in the future…… Whaaaat? Can’t argue with facts.

A friend sent me these hard cold scientific facts …. 

Case in point, obviously the picture dictates that the man’s cold is worse …look at him suffering, can’t even get out of bed….. poor guy

 

Taste the Ocean!

Taste the Ocean!

20160529_132511aTaste the ocean!“, blurted out a massive 1 foot wave.  Whaaaat?  A one foot wave could be considered massive in some parts of the world……No?  

Actually it wasn’t the wave that knocked me over.  I was kayaking with two other guys, one of which was in the water & hanging onto the edge of my boat for a practice run of an “assisted rescue”.  As he was trying to get back into his boat…well, he lifted himself up……onto….and then….flipped in the opposite direction, head first and with his legs kicking in the air.   He dodged when he should have weaved, tossing both us into the tasty salt water of the pacific ocean.  If it was an olympic sport, we would have gotten a gold for sure!

So there I was, flipped over and upside down thinking to myself, “Well, this can’t be good.”.  No, not the fact I was upside down.  See, as I flipped over I’m pretty sure I managed to swallow 1/2 the ocean.  Now with 1/2 the ocean down my throat, it was enough for my insides to say, “Oh Heeeell No!”  I don’t ever recall throwing up that fast in my life!  Nice little shock to the system to let you know that you’re still alive…. geez.

Ok, it was probably only a teaspoon of salt water, but at the time, it sure felt like 1/2 the ocean and thought I was dying for sure…..and we all know that when guys get sick, we never exaggerate dying.  I’m pretty sure I had dyingitis.  

Turned out to be a great day of paddling around White Rock BC.  


Dyingitis – its a word I made up years ago.  When ever I become sick, I would claim I was dying ….”I don’t think I’m going to make it through the night.  Tell my family I love them….oh the pain, oh the agony…my nose is stuffed up, my throat is killing me, my face feels swollen….oh no!  I have all the symptoms… I have dyingitis.”.  Women often refer it to as “the common cold”.

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